Melanoma: Back to Regular Screenings

Fear. Frustration. Fatigue. I’m tossed back into the pool—the “normal” screening pool— or close.

After a couple years of three-month melanoma checks because I had the disease, I now go back to my “usual” six-month checks. I am not sure how I feel about that. Of course, I can always go in before that if I find something. How do I find something on a body that has a liberal supply of moles, freckles, and now, assorted scars? My insurance won’t cover digital mole mapping.

Finding a melanoma on your body feels like discovering you are allergic to air. Really? I got this from being outside? Too much working and walking and swimming outside. Gasp. Shame on me. (Okay, the truth is I sunned outside, mostly in college, and sometimes used a tanning bed before a winter vacation). Still, it seems odd to me on some level.

I inspect and I fret, much like the way I do with my monthly self-breast exams. I go looking for things I don’t want to find. Both exams seem a little like looking for a pea in a bag of marbles. I scare myself. I worry myself. Life goes on. As a breast cancer and skin cancer survivor, I feel like I have one foot in the “normal,” everyday world and one foot in the cancer world. I keep track of cancer appointments and regular doctor appointments for me and for my mom. We both have had cancer—twice.

My melanoma was caught on a routine full-body skin check appointment with my dermatologist. My breast cancer was caught on a routine mammogram. After the one-year diagnostic mammograms, many breast cancer patients are also thrown back in the regular screening pool. I am living proof that the screening tests save lives. I am grateful to be here with my family. I am blessed. I am fortunate and weary with worry.

That is what a cancer diagnosis does. It signs you up to a life of worry that is kicked up a notch. The things cancer survivors worry about are life-threatening things. There are definitely worse ways to live. The worry is a loss and a gain. It is a loss of innocence and peace and a gain of appreciation and perspective. Sometimes I try to remember what life felt like before skin cancer and breast cancer. I think there was more pettiness and more time spent on unimportant things. Now that I am reminded daily that time is limited, I like life a lot more. I thank God a lot more.

Melanoma. I now shield myself from the sun I used to bask in. I now hide from a sunny day. I also wonder how safe the chemicals in sunscreen products really are. Where does it stop? What is safe? Yes, I overthink. The truth is, I feel overexposed to cancer. I will fight and I won’t quit.