I’m Not Saying I’m an Expert, But Here’s What You Should Do

Who knows your situation better than you know your situation? Well nobody, really, especially when it comes to your health. However, you always meet those armchair quarterbacks. You know, those people you get free advice from without the fees — they’re experts in football, dating, marriage, working out, employment, health care and your health issues, of course. The only problem is often times they, themselves, have no experience in any of the topics they advise you on. For example, the pot-bellied divorced guy telling you how to have a healthy marriage and how to build great abs, or the gym rat loaded up a concoction of synthetic muscle building supplements telling you that your approach to treatment is all wrong, as he explains to you why you should only choose all-natural treatment options.

Over the years of being sick, I’ve gotten "non-expert" expert opinions, or directives rather, on how I should deal with cancer treatment, side effects, recovery and all of the issues that come about as a result of the "big C." I’m not really sure if all of these people mean to help or are just being nosey, but the nosey folks usually start off with an interrogation of sorts. Some interrogators are a little stealthier and don’t break out the heat lamps, while others pair up and play good cop, bad cop. The odd thing though is when you simply ask what they did when they were in your situation or even just a similar situation, their faces go blank and their eyes scan the room looking for someone to interject and rescue them from the awkwardness.

If I had known I would meet so many non-expert experts in the past few years, I would have made a documentary so I could “not really” help others. Options I could have chosen based on non-expert expert instructions over the years have included: not going to the ER simply because I have gone to the ER so many times in the past — for v-tach, and even simply drinking more prune juice for the constipation that was really scar tissue wrapped around my intestine. It only required an emergency surgery and removal of a small piece of my intestine. I also found out, after dealing with cancer for nearly 35 years, that my disease was pretty much like the common cold. You wait 35 years to tell me it’s pretty much just like a cold?

You know, at least I don’t sound bitter or anything. Really though, people going through major health issues appreciate some genuine concern and suggestions, but if I can issue one directive myself, save your critiques for the coaches and the quarterbacks.