A Year of Grace During Breast Cancer

A dream Atkinson had may have saved her life after breast cancer had flown under the radar for eight years.

Year of Grace

I sit here
Dreaming for things to naturally fall into its place.
Staring into my living space, so weak I appear.
Can't keep up the pace
Of the human race, a well-established career;
I feel so out of place.
I look back at the years, a memory trace of an old frontier. See the rough bumps, the crinkly pattern in an
emerald green depression vase...
In my changing face, I feel a new tear.
If only I could embrace
The colors of the wind in its breathing space (all-clear)
If only I could swim with the ocean and reappear
Like a pearl in its hiding place...
If only I could jump on the next cloud and disappear
Fly to a higher place.
If only I could touch the sun and give more cheer
Not burn up in deep space.
If only I could walk on the moon (from here)
Write that song I hear play from its imaginary place.
If only I could play bass... and drink some fine dark beer

On and on and on, in a parking space
With no cars, just a gathering space — to give ear;
A meeting place, a change of pace
For anyone who needs breathing place, a life peer.
Like me, this is my visual place.
Some say it's a prisoner's base, to draw nearer
To a lower place; to interlace...
Others say its part of an obstacle race, never to interfere With a higher space,
And now my dog at my feet, who I hold dear,
Just wants me to cut to the chase.
All I know, it's still all unclear...
But, to be sincere,
I could never fight this (cancer) alone, without fear
Not without Love or my heart in the right place;
And, especially, not without — Grace.

I wrote “Year of Grace” in 2011 from the bottom of my heart, in the prime of my life, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39. I was blessed with a divine intervention, a miraculous dream, of a giant lady in a long white dress who warned me to get my breasts checked A.S.A.P.!

My breast cancer had flown under the radar a little over eight years. After strongly pursuing my dream of warning, breast cancer was seen in a breast MRI. By the time of my first surgery, the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and became very aggressive. My breast cancer surgeon said that my BRCA mutation was most likely activated by toxic exposure on 9/11 in New York City. My breast cancer began growing shortly after. I will never forget... I had a lumpectomy, eight rounds of chemo, bilateral mastectomy, breast reconstruction, hormone therapy, etc.

At the time, I was seeing double and we grew worried that my breast cancer spread further. But it was thankfully not the case and I’ve had three strabismus surgeries since. I think upon my grandmother and her battle with breast cancer even more now. I wonder if she had something to do with my lifesaving dream. The giant lady, who came with a breast cancer warning, in my dream has been so special, strong and powerful in my life. She came into my dream that one amazing morning and changed my life in a way that I could never imagine possible — the depths. I am just so grateful to her and my medical team ... all the important people in my life.

This post was written and submitted by Sonya Rose Atkinson. The article reflects the views of Atkinson and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

For more news on cancer updates, research and education, don’t forget to subscribe to CURE®’s newsletters here.