Take Life On: My Mantra After Cancer

I believe that it is one’s actions, decisions and state of mind in life that can make a difference. Receiving word of my cancer diagnosis and leaving the hospital after surgery, I felt something had been taken away from me and a feeling of loneliness set in. Competition made me happy. It was that thing that made me tick. The solitude of running, the profound amount of determination required of myself to simply get the results many felt impossible to measure was exhilarating. Completing a marathon and mini triathlons became my dream. These were goals I strived for to make my mind feel at one with my body.

Grief, depression and loneliness happens upon everyone. It’s normal for us cancer survivors. To fight against my loneliness and feelings of loss, I entered running races with a local team. I finished a marathon, completed the challenge I set before me. My race was one of endurance. I followed doctors’ orders and worked out a plan for exercise and diet. This was a way as to get the prize of “all clear” and look forward to an accomplishment. It’s not talking about my goals that makes me stronger, it’s doing and reaching for them and beyond.

No one can get through life without taking on some kind of pain or trauma. For me, I needed to find the silver lining. It changed the dynamic of how I interacted with the pain.

Some days I did not even feel like socializing. But for me, isolation gave me more self-doubt. I began simply: “Get out of the house a few days each week,” I told myself. And I did. I decided to outrun my self-doubt. It’s always waiting to settle in, much like a chest cold.

My mantra is “Take life on,” or “TLO.” I spent a few days pondering about what truly can change the world. The meaning can be summed up in three words: take life on.There was a time when I lived my life as a watcher of time. I watched others accomplish things while I would never try anything new. I didn’t take risks.

I was just a guy without ambition. A lost soul. Letting life unfold right before my eyes, I had the sole aim of watching the latest TV series, getting ahead in the job market and going out for beers.

If after my cancer discovery, someone would ask me “What do you want out of life?” I would say, “I want to run while listening to 80s music every day for the rest of my life.”

Now older and wiser I want to bike in the sizzling sun then take a dip in an infinity pool. I want to have time for travel, reading, writing everything and anything, continue to work on my relationships with friends, family and most importantly, my wife.

Daily, I continue to be grateful for my own existence. Taking life on. As we all encounter challenges that are difficult to overcome, we must be prepared and not be discouraged by them.It is naive to think that we all can’t be challenged daily.

Now I have an understanding of where the race begins and the road ends. I want to sweat in the shower and scream at the bottom of a pool. I’m hungry and I want it all. American culture focuses on everything happening immediately, so it's easy to lose yourself and be in a hurry. Slow down. Take life on.

I struggle to understand what and why this all happened. I learned that to maintain a personal voice, you must take life on and identify the weaknesses and shortcomings that have haunted you. I’ve learned many lessons over the years, and lately, I ask myself about overcoming mental obstacles.

There is no logical reason to cancer, so forget about trying to make sense of the senseless. I don’t know to what extent those obstacles or expending energy in trying to blame myself can affect me. The mirror is me. It is real, not a reflection.

In life we learn that we’re all different and what one thinks as an imperfection actually makes each of us unique. Cancer changes our perception, and we can learn from it. Eventually, I mastered the slowing down, setting goals (no matter how big or small) and taking life one day at a time.

It is so simple to look inside oneself and take life on. Be yourself. You may cry, find yourself laughing uncontrollably or simply be entranced. Remember we are all on a personal journey. Just take life on and work it every day.

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