Sometimes, Cancer Just Gets in My Way

Linda Cohen is a survivor of small lymphocytic lymphoma and was diagnosed in 2009. Catch up on all of Linda's blogs here!

I am truly grateful for still being here 15 years after my diagnosis of small lymphocytic lymphoma. Luckily, a few years ago a BTK inhibitor was approved, which greatly improved my quality of life. I always try my best to reframe all that gets in my way, but sometimes I still find it very frustrating. That’s just the truth of the matter.

I recently got invited to a huge gala! I was so excited because it had been years since I got to dress up to go to a special event. Yes, there was a small outdoor wedding here and there, but not a gala! Honestly, I felt a little bit like Cinderella. I began to picture the incredible food at the strolling dinner and all the people I knew who would be there. I started to go through my closet in my mind. What would I wear?

Then, reality hit me. Now that I feel so well, I want to do everything! The event is indoors, and I was told there would be 700-800 people there! A super spreader, you say? With my cancer, I still have to be concerned about COVID-19. I go out of my way to make sure I am still careful because I have been told that COVID-19 can be very wicked with the particular blood cancer I have. Also, I know quite a few people who have COVID-19 right now, so that doesn’t help matters. I hate that I always have to decide whether to take a risk or not. I am the kind of person who is the last to leave a party. Even at 73, I am a party girl and always will be. I hate to miss events of any kind.

So now comes decision time. I dwell on the details of how I will make this happen. Can I go and minimize my risk of getting COVID-19? Do I know that I shouldn’t go? Of course, I know that. But my motto has always been, “If there’s a will there’s a way!”

I decided I could stroll through the food selections with my mask on and then take my plate and roam to a place away from everyone so that I could eat alone…much less risky. Am I having fun yet?

After the strolling dinner, there will be some speeches, etc. Did I mention this was a charitable gala event? I will wait until everyone is seated. When the speeches begin, I will look all around until I find the perfect seat. What makes the perfect seat, you ask? It has to be a seat with a few empty seats on both sides of me. But that’s not enough. I have to be sure there are a few empty rows in front of me and a few empty rows behind me. Of course, I will wear my mask again. I will sit and listen but I’m there! Even a charitable gala event can make me feel alive, but it won’t allow me to forget I have cancer…like some other articles I have written. They can’t all be upbeat!

Sometimes there is too much to orchestrate and think about to allow myself to go and still feel safe. I can’t live life always doing what cancer says. I have to do things that are important to me, but I can’t be foolish. Everyone else is totally over COVID-19. Cancer won’t allow me to do that.

So tonight, to celebrate my birthday, we went to a restaurant to have dinner on their outdoor patio. My husband and I bundled up, prepared to sit outside on this brisk autumn night which was 50 degrees and dropping. We were told the outdoor patio was closed because the wait staff weren’t prepared to serve there. I explained that I was immune compromised and couldn’t eat in the crowded restaurant. Then, I begged them to allow just the two of us to have my birthday dinner out there. Finally, the hostess said, “Let me check with our manager.” They said they would make an exception if they could find someone willing to serve us. They said we could wait outside. Then, Brandy, our sweet waitress, came outside with a big smile and told us she was happy to serve us there! She loved the cold! Brandy had no idea what that meant to me.

All I could say was, “If there’s a will, there’s a way.” You just have to persevere and sometimes think outside the box to make things happen.

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