My Cousin and I Journey Through Breast, Lung, Pancreatic and Prostate Cancer

Sue McCarthy received diagnoses of breast cancer in 2001 and lung cancer in 2018. Catch up on all of Sue's blogs here!

My cousin, Larry, and I were at my mother and stepfather’s home in Chester County, Pensylvania, in 1995. He and his 10-year-old son, and I, with my 14, 13, and 11-year-old daughters, had crossed paths that hot August day. He had arrived with his parents, my aunt and uncle.

As my daughters and I drove up the driveway, Larry and his son were swimming competitively in the average-sized inground backyard pool. The 10-year-old was a big boy, as was his dad, a big man, about 6-foot-4, 200 pounds. As the guys completed lap after lap in the pool, splashing like crazy, Larry’s son could have been a teenager, Larry a 21-year-old.

Actually, Larry was in his mid-30s; I, in my mid-40s. At that time in our respective lives, we were definitely not the golden children in our families, nor had we been for a while. I hadn’t seen Larry since he was younger than his son was that day; I wouldn’t see him again until June of 2024.

Not surprisingly, my girls, all three on our neighborhood swim team, wanted to get into the water as soon as possible. They asked me about Grandma’s health as I walked over to my stepfather, and he said, “Yes, your mother is in the house.”

My daughters and I walked over to the house, and after saying, “Hi,” to their grandmother, the girls changed into their swimsuits, while Mom and I talked.

My mother was not well; she was in her second year of fighting breast cancer. Mom represented the third generation of women on the maternal side of the family who had been diagnosed with the disease. A strong woman, my mom was still confident that she could beat her cancer, despite the fact that about two months earlier it had metastasized. She would pass away thirteen months later.

Our family history of hereditary cancer seemed to have stemmed from Larry’s and my maternal grandmother’s childhood family. She and her mother had both died of breast cancer, her older sister of ovarian. In addition to my mother dying of breast cancer in 1996, her brother, Larry’s dad, suffered from prostate cancer in the early 2000s, in the same time frame that I was stricken by breast cancer. Later, Larry fought off prostate cancer.

Years past, and in the 2010s, my oldest daughter took a significant interest in the genetic issue that caused the occurrence of cancer in our extended family. She and I were both tested for a mutation in BRCA 1 and 2. Our tests came back negative, and soon after, ironically, she became the fifth woman on the maternal side of the family to receive the breast cancer diagnosis.

It’s hard for me to know which had a more profound effect on me — facing five generations of the breast cancer diagnoses, or a stage 3B, non-small-cell-lung cancer diagnosis, which I received overlapping with my 38-year-old daughter’s breast cancer.

Life-threatening cancer left me struggling on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Physically, with chemotherapy leading to nausea, vomiting and fatigue. The fatigue made me so weak that I couldn’t type or send a short text message. Mentally, I had such a difficult time focusing that I couldn’t read a light fiction story. Emotionally, I felt hopeless and, as a result, depressed. Spiritually, on the Sundays I was up to it, I would sit in church and have no sense of God’s presence. My feelings of hopelessness led me to question God’s very existence. And that’s not typically me.

Although I did eat when hungry and exercise some, otherwise, I couldn’t believe in myself; I could not even believe in God. I eventually realized I didn’t have the emotional or spiritual support I needed.

And that takes me back to Larry.

I was a year into remission when I heard the news about my cousin. It was January of 2023, and my sister had received a note from our aunt, Larry’s mother. My sister sent the message on to me. After suffering through significant abdominal pain throughout the Christmas holidays, Larry had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

There was never a doubt in my mind. I would be there for my cousin. I would send him, “You’ve got this!” text messages and emojis with gold medals, thumbs-up symbols and muscles, although I hardly knew him and I’m not very outgoing; I would pursue any common interests of ours, and we would talk and text anytime, hopefully more rather than less! I messaged Larry, letting him know of my interest in supporting him.

Larry received strong chemotherapy for six months. All went well, then he had a rest period of about six weeks before the surgeon would do the resection. The surgery involved the removal of the part of the pancreas which was no longer functioning and using some of his stomach tissue to recreate his pancreas. Larry then had additional time to recover from the major surgery, before doing follow-up chemotherapy to kill any remaining malignant cells. He got through his treatment plan, with only minor bumps in the road.

For the prior few weeks of chemo, he and I talked about reuniting. I got increasingly excited about meeting Larry, but there were several other family members and the close friends of family members who I hadn’t seen in decades and knew little about. I was nervous. I had been separated from many family members for so long, yet again with minor pitfalls, it went well, and June 9, 2024, was a special day; ten of us met/reunited at Larry’s home in central Pennsylvania.

I was thanked and praised for initiating the event, which led to reuniting so many. It was uncomfortable for me to be a bit of a hero that day. I was still in remission and then Larry was as well. Larry’s mother and her close friend were back in my life, my husband was there, and I met Larry’s wife as well. My oldest daughter made the trip north from Washington, D.C.

I was so happy to have Larry in my life, and to be appreciated for the support I had given to him.

I have gone on to be a support person to others in the cancer community, including, among others, a cousin on my dad’s side of the family.

And the bonus: It brought joy to me to have two new cousins, after growing up with little support from my family.

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