Moving Slower and Slower After Myelodysplastic Syndrome

Jane Biehl is a 12-year survivor of a very rare form of blood cancer, known as myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS). Catch up on all of Jane’s blogs here!

I have honestly been frustrated lately. I am slowing down increasingly, and it has even become noticeable to others. I wrote an article in November about how nice it was to slow down and smell the roses. But now it seems like too much.

In my previous life (before cancer), I moved steadily and effortlessly from working all day to classes at night. I could hurry up by running late and still be on time. Now, I am frequently late to meetings with friends, church and even appointments. I finally realized that I was miscalculating how long it would take me to get dressed and out the door. When I was younger, I remember watching my elderly friends, grandparents and parents take a long time to complete tasks and complain about that. I thought about how I would be late because of them and selfishly didn’t think about how this was impacting them.

The slowing down factor is not some figment of our imagination. Researchers have begun to study this phenomenon. Among other reasons, the main one seems to be that our muscle cells may not transform energy into force and movement as quickly. Older adults instinctively modify (slow down) to help conserve limited energy. Research has just begun on this, and somebody will do more in the future.

I know some of my problems are from being older – I am 74 years old. But I instinctively know it also comes from the blood cancer I have. The red blood cells move more sluggishly through the blood vessels to the body. I do not hike with friends because I know I will slow them down. And some are older than me!

Also, the chemo and treatments often affect our ability to process and move quickly. When I was a counselor, I remember my clients having trouble getting started in the morning because of the meds they were on, and I am more empathetic now.

Lately, I have been even more restricted because I am fighting one of those terrible upper respiratory infections many people in my area are experiencing. Jammed emergency rooms are overrun with treating so many patients. There are lines around the pharmacies out to the street with people picking up prescriptions. So many people have been ill with several kinds of infections and flu viruses. However, I try to push and get there eventually. I may take a cup or two of coffee, but somehow, I get off my couch. I do not do what I used to, but it is my best.

I have been beating myself up lately because of my lethargy and feel so useless. However, we cancer survivors don’t give ourselves enough credit because as long as we put one foot in front of the other — that is all we need to do. And some days, we stay in bed or on the couch all day for one simple reason – we need it.

I stumbled on an engaging book titled, “The Art of Going Slow: How to Simplify Your Life, Calm Your Mind, and Focus on What Truly Matters to You,” by Daman Zahariades. This book explains in detail how to slow down and focus. This is not just for older adults, but every age. Suggestions for coping methods range from finding out what is most important to you, letting less important tasks go, and, most of all, focusing. The author argues that instead of hurrying and feeling stressed, slowing down makes you more productive on the essential tasks in your life. While as a cancer survivor I do not necessarily need to know how to be more productive at work, some quotes sounded perfect for me.

One suggestion was to spend more time developing stronger connections with others. We can make a difference by taking time to talk, having interesting conversations, developing trust and showing compassion for others. Fred Rogers says it all: “The connections we make in the course of a life may be what heaven is.”

We also can celebrate with others. Osho, the Indian philosopher, states, “Life is a grand celebration, every moment an opportunity to dance.” And I will finish with Leo Buscaglia: “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. We can do that on a daily basis and do not need to hurry!” 

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