How Physical and Emotional Scars Affected Me During Cancer

There are moments in our lives that we at times do not appreciate what that word “scars” symbolizes. For some people, they can associate scars negatively, while others see it as a triumph. At times, scars can be experienced emotionally, mentally and/or physically. For others, scars can be all three.

After my diagnosis with colon cancer, I could honestly say that my scars have been emotionally, mentally and physically overwhelming. Throughout my journey, I came to the realization that my scars impacted me in numerous ways.

My scars played a significant role in my well-being. To start, when the doctor informed me that I had colon cancer, my mental state of mind was not at its best. I was in complete shock and did not want to accept that this was actually happening to me. During that time, the first few days were extremely challenging. I recalled just being in denial even though all the verifications from my doctors were right in front of me. This is when I experienced my scars in an emotional and mental state of mind.

If you have read some of my previous blogs, you would know that one of the techniques I utilized was affirmations. By applying this coping strategy, I began to heal my scars both mentally and emotionally. One of the affirmations that I wrote, which I read out loud over and over again was as followed:

Thank you for my healing scars. It is a symbol of overcoming hardships as well as being a true conqueror. My scars signify inner strength and courage.

This affirmation gave me the willpower to look towards my future. It provided me self-confidence, which was a key factor in regards to my success during chemotherapy. By defeating and conquering colon cancer, I was able to work on self-development from an optimistic outlook. I was able to rise to the occasion along with coming out of it with an inner strength that I did not expect to have.

However, my physical scars, without a doubt, played a tremendous toll on me. On Feb. 24, 2020, my surgery took place with the sole purpose to remove the cancerous mass that was inside of me. It was a robotic surgery conducted by an amazing, caring doctor that was with me since day one. He encouraged and motivated me to stay at ease throughout the process, which lasted five hours. After my surgery, I was in an indescribable amount of physical pain.

When I first woke from the surgery, I noticed that I had four bandages in my stomach. I was very curious to see what my scars would look like. After a few days, the doctor removed them; that is when I saw my scars for the very first time. I must admit that I was not happy. I remember crying when I first saw them because I was ashamed of how my stomach looked.

Before my surgery, I always loved my stomach — especially my belly button. I recollected moments where people would give me compliments when I wore two-piece bathing suits during the summer. In the summer of 2020, I was very embarrassed to show my stomach because of my scars. I was not a fan of them. As a result, I only wore high-waisted bathing suits and/or one-pieces in order to cover them.

Yet, I had a meaningful conversation with my cousin, which aided to see that I was looking at my physical scars the wrong way. She helped perceive that my scars were a symbol of being alive and cancer free — a definite triumph. From that moment on, I started to embrace my scars from a different light.

That following summer, I began to wear two-piece bathing suits and took pride in my physical appearance. Indeed, due to my diagnosis with colon cancer, I embarked on viewing my scars distinctively. I am forever blessed!

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