How a Chance Meeting Changed My Life After Cancer

“You have cancer.”

I've survived cancer four times, but I still remember the first time I heard it apply to me. I was just 44 years old. I had an excellent job with a major corporation. And with three children in their late teens and early 20s, I had a busy, happy life.

Then, my doctor said my annual mammogram showed an area of interest and required a biopsy. Soon, I found myself waiting for the doctor in the cold examination room in one of those gowns that didn't cover everything.

I didn't suspect a problem because my husband wasn't invited in for the results. Swish, the door opened, and the doctor entered, focusing on my chart. He looked over the little glasses perched on the middle of his nose. Matter-of-factly, he said, "Your biopsy reported cancer. When do you want to schedule cutting them off?"

I was shocked at his coldness. He didn't appear to think about how I felt or that my husband should join us. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts. How would I tell my husband? He had lost his mother to cancer, and in his first marriage, he lost a 3-year-old son to cancer? How would my mom, a recent widow, handle it? And my daughters, would they be afraid? I had always been there for them, especially in my ten years as a single mom.

I was a person who was always prepared. So, I had lunch with Mary Ellen, a survivor who had cancer and reconstruction. She understood that I did a lot of speaking to executives for my job, and I wanted to continue to project confidence.

So, I inquired about the stage of cancer. Fortunately, it was low. Then I asked the doctor if he coordinated with a plastic surgeon, as I had learned from Mary Ellen there must be enough skin to perform reconstruction.

The doctor grew colder and looked down his nose as he said, "Be very grateful that I am going to save your life. Don't think about reconstruction now. If you don't get it, so what! You'll live."

I thought I am not just a body to be cut and stitched but a spirit that lives in this body. Was he thinking of killing the cancer like a knight slaying the dragon? There was no thought that there was a spirit within this body with feelings and an opinion. It didn't feel right. So, I said, I am getting a second opinion! The doctor got red in the face and said, "You're very foolish. This is my professional opinion." He wrote in red on my chart, “patient refuses to follow the prescribed protocol!" I was not deterred.

I called the OBGYN, who was very empathetic and recommended I go to a hospital in Washington, DC, for surgery and reconstruction in a single operation.

The oncology and plastic surgeon worked together. I awoke "like a bionic woman." Yes, there was pain and exercises to ensure the implants remained flexible, and I regained the use of my arm and back muscles. I was delighted when I finally returned to work.

Because I did a lot of speaking for my job and taught weekend courses at a major university, I consistently worked to hone my skills. Several years and three bouts with cancer later, I attended a speaking seminar in Florida. It was there that I met Peggie Sherry. Peggie was also a cancer survivor who spoke about her charity, Faces of Courage. As soon as she spoke, I knew I had to meet and offer to work with her. She explained how survivors can help patients at weekend camp experiences. Fortunately, we connected, and I felt a new purpose in life. I spoke and acted as a counselor at the next camp. It was so fulfilling. I knew I had found my destiny.

Since those early days, Peggie and I have become good friends. During the pandemic, we realized we had received spiritual messages to write a book. We decided it would not be our stories, but a book of individual chapters filled with tips and resources based on our experiences and the 13,000 patients and survivors who have attended our events. As of today, we have received grants to distribute books in English and Spanish for free and sell others on Amazon, where the profit goes to our charity, FacesofCourage.org. A major cancer center in Tampa received a grant and is creating FAQs on their website based on the book and translating it into more languages. I am so grateful for meeting Peggie and the change it made in my life. Tell your story; it will help others gain courage and insight.

This post was written and submitted Phyllis Mikolaitis. The article reflects the views of Mikolaitis and not of CURE®. This is also not supposed to be intended as medical advice.

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