Giving Back to Family After Breast Cancer

My first cancer, stage 2A ductal adenocarcinoma (cancer in the breast’s milk ducts), was detected during a routine mammogram in 2011. The second was an angiosarcoma (cancer developed in the breast’s blood or lymphatic vessels), which was discovered in 2016. During both breast cancer experiences, my mother was invaluable in helping my husband and me with household chores and cooking meals. She did many loads of laundry and prepared dozens of hearty meals for my family of three. And when I had to be at a doctor’s appointment, she babysat my young son.

Now that I appear to be out of the woods with cancer, my 92-year-old mother needs help. You see, about a month ago, she broke her hip and needed a hip replacement. The surgeon successfully performed this procedure and she spent 2 ½ weeks in rehab. Then, she came home, but she was, of course, unsteady on her feet. She needed help in all areas from dressing to cooking meals to cleaning to bathing. I volunteered to take the morning shift from 9 a.m. to noon and my brothers took other shifts. And let me say, I’m so glad I did.

It makes me feel more human to be able to give back to my mother, who gave so generously to me when I was sick with cancer. The work is extremely delicate and difficult because if any of us makes one wrong move, Mom would fall over. We must all take our time. So, I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way.

1. Mom is teaching me that there’s more to life than pursuing one’s own interests.
2. Mom is also instructing me in the important lesson that we’re all vulnerable. Even mother, whom you can’t fool ever, needs help once in a while.
3. Love goes a long way in the healing process. And who better to spread the love than family members? Mom not only offered manual labor with cooking and cleaning, but she also prayed constantly for me. I pray for her. May God keep her steady on her feet.
4. Good healing requires good care. When I had cancer, I had a wonderful oncologist, who knew exactly what she was doing. She saved my life twice. I have to give credit to my cancer surgeon and plastic surgeon. They too were brilliant doctors. Now that I’m caring for my mother, I must admit that I am one of the best people in the world for this job. Although I don’t have any formal education in the medical profession, I take my time and listen to what my mom wants and needs. For me, it’s not just a job.
5. Humor goes a long way. When I first found out that my mother fell and broke her hip, I was very emotional. I cried in front of her. What did she do? She sang a chorus of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.”This caused us both to crack up laughing, and it did lighten our load.

My oncologist also had a sense of humor. Every time she examined me, she hooked my brassiere for me.

“I’m the only doc in town who does that,” she said proudly, laughing.

What would we do if we couldn’t chuckle?

Life is short and full of bumps in the road. Thank goodness we can care for each other when the going gets rough. It’s not a useless exercise.

It’s an education.

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