Connection to Others Helps Me Avoid Survivor’s Guilt

On Mother’s Day, 1996, my three daughters and I first participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, in my mother’s honor. Mom, a patient with breast cancer, would live four more months after that date.

Then, five years after my mother passed away in the spring of 2001, I went for my routine, annual mammogram. That mammogram led to a follow up ultrasound, then to a biopsy, which confirmed my ductal carcinoma in situ, an early-stage breast cancer.

I consulted with my breast surgeon, and it was determined that I would be treated with a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery because of my family history. Not only had my mother’s death been caused by breast cancer, but so had her mother’s. The procedure was successful, but an infection in my implant extended my recovery time by almost six months, but not long enough to keep me from celebrating as a survivor at that year’s Susan G. Komen Race — an awesome experience.

Cancer is a much-dreaded diagnosis to virtually everyone, regardless of age, sex or race. Once I was diagnosed myself, I became keenly aware of the necessity for not only quality medical care, but for a noteworthy support network as well of family and friends, who were there through thick and thin.

The Komen Race for the Cure on Mother’s Day, which my daughters and I continued to participate in, was a reunion of sorts, with so many who came annually to honor or memorialize family members and friends as we supported each other.

After 16 more Komen Races for the Cure on Mother’s Days, the final gathering was held in the spring of 2019. The previous year, I had received another cancer diagnosis, and that one, life-threatening; I had stage 3B lung cancer. I had never smoked.

The Lung Force Walk is an annual event of the American Lung Association (ALA). I knew nothing about the walk, even though it took place within 10 miles of my home. I had donated to ALA because of some excellent information I received online while in cancer treatment and was given the option of dedicating my contribution to a particular activity, one of which a charity run/walk similar to the Komen Race for the Cure. Of course, I chose the Lung Force Walk.

My cancer treatment included surgeries on each of my lungs, chemotherapy, radiation and immunotherapy. Into early 2020 I was nearing the end of my regimen, receiving infusions of immunotherapy monthly, and was well enough to join my support team, Sue’s Prayer Army, at the fall 2019 gathering. It meant so much to me. I felt one with the other patients, survivors, family members and so many others. In meeting a lot of ALA local and state staff and volunteers, I saw their commitment to the cause, we patients and survivors, on their faces. I was overwhelmed listening to my daughter speak to the assembled group about the challenge that was my lung cancer experienced.

Not originally by plan, I started to realize I had been at least as involved in the cancer community before and after my treatments — and I liked it that way.

I attended the cancer support group at my church a couple of times while in treatment, before the pandemic, then became more involved in St. Peregrines Club when the monthly Sunday afternoon group resumed. At the funeral home in memory of a group member who passed last winter, vegetable seeds were distributed. I now and have five tomatoes now ripening in my vegetable garden. The plants were grown from seeds, distributed at the funeral home in memory of a group member who passed last winter.

In remission at that time, I volunteered to recruit additional support group members by contacting other churches. One of my closest friends today was someone I reached out to as a result of the list given to me.

Never having had a close family, it has meant a lot to me to become closer with two of my cousins — one each side of my family. Our cancer diagnoses brought us together.

In the fall of 2023, I submitted my cancer story to CURE magazine, and a few days later I was offered a position as a blog writer. I was thrilled to have an opportunity to share the many stories that have impacted me in my cancer community journeys. Through Zoom meetings I learned that I had been welcomed into another cancer family: the CURE® blogging team.

Thus, from the time of my mother’s illness, I have continually been a part of at least one, typically several, cancer sisterhoods. This has made a positive difference in my life. We survivors are in the position to be there in the lives of the newly diagnosed, or to guide care takes. So often, as well, those in treatment inspire us with their strength and courage.

I have never suffered from survivor’s guilt. I have always remained a part of the cancer experience.

For more news on cancer updates, research and education, don’t forget to subscribe to CURE®’s newsletters here.