By Ann Jennings

Want to help but don’t know what to do? Here are some things people did for my family and I when I was going through breast cancer treatment.
(My daughter, Catherine, was 2 at the time):

1. One family gave us a homemade card with coupons, redeemable for (1) a free dinner; (2) lawn mowing service; (3) babysitting one evening so my husband and I could go out. Coupons are a great way to encourage a friend to accept your offer of help.
   
2. One friend called every two weeks and said, “I’m calling to find out which days you need me this week. What’s your greatest need: For me to keep Catherine, take you to the doctor, or make dinner?”
   
3. One friend sent a contribution to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in my honor, around the one-year anniversary of my surgery. Sending a contribution to a breast cancer organization is a great way to “do something.”
   
4. Take a full meal to the family. If one friend is coordinating meals, get on the list to take a meal, so the patient will not be overwhelmed with food.
   
5. Offer to be meal coordinator, so all neighbors, friends, and relatives call you instead of the patient. A friend in my book club took on this role, and she coordinated the other book club members to bring over meals so that my family received one meal per week.
   
6. If you call the patient and she can’t take the call, then say that you will call another time. Don’t ask the patient to call you back. She doesn’t need to add to her “To Do” list right now.
   
7. If you want to do something for the patient’s children, bring them videos and books. They can enjoy these while Mom is resting. (Hand-me-down videos and books are great!)
   
8. Offer to take her children for a day or afternoon; let her choose the date, so she can use that time for doctors’ visits or napping. One friend took my daughter for an afternoon and they went out for lunch, then went to her house and baked cookies. Another friend took my daughter to her son’s soccer game on a Saturday morning, then out to lunch, then back to their house to play.
   
9. Send flowers! Arrangements delivered by a florist are always a great surprise. A couple of friends brought fresh flowers from their yards—this was a thoughtful treat.
   
10. One friend sent, anonymously, a coupon for $50 of food from “Take-Out Taxi,” the service that delivers meals to your home from an array of restaurants in Atlanta. I still don’t know who the friend was, but the meals were a blessing.
    
11. Send occassional e-mails to let her know you are thinking of her.
    
12. Offer to go with her to chemotherapy—that is if you can stand needles and hospitals.
    
13. Tell her she looks beautiful bald.
    
14. If you can plan this far ahead, send a congratulations card on the first anniversary of the cancer surgery. Two friends did this for me, and it was touching to realize they were still thinking of me.
    
15. Remind your friend to relax and take care of herself.