The continuing journey of a caregiver

By S. Epatha Merkerson

As police lieutenant Anita Van Buren on NBC’s Law & Order‚ my television role is to help fight crime. Off camera my role is to help fight a different battle—lung cancer. After watching two of my best friends go through the toughest struggle of their lives with this disease‚ I decided the best way I can help fight back is to educate others by telling “our” story.

Several years ago‚ my two closest friends were diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer. Both times I heard the news I was shocked. I wondered how this could have happened to them—one friend had even quit smoking years before her diagnosis. At first I struggled with many emotions—fear‚ anger‚ grief‚ and total helplessness—but after a while I made up my mind to do everything in my power to help them through their ordeals. I learned as much as possible about the disease and what it meant to be a caregiver.

By taking them to treatments and providing them with a support system‚ I helped both my friends to the best of my abilities. At first I hoped that the more I did‚ the easier their fight would be. But I quickly learned that the real fight had to come from inside them. There was nothing I could do that would give them the strength to keep fighting. As a friend and caregiver‚ my most important job was simply to be there when they needed me and provide them with a face of courage and love.

Both of my friends eventually lost their battles with lung cancer. One received radiation and chemotherapy for a short time‚ but the other died soon after being diagnosed. Seeing what they went through made me realize how serious lung cancer is‚ especially if it is diagnosed in the late stages. I also witnessed firsthand the feelings of blame and guilt that often accompany it.

Since their struggles‚ I’ve learned that many lung cancer patients feel they are treated differently than people with other cancers. They often feel they are blamed for their disease since most cases are smoking-related.

Being a former smoker myself‚ watching my friends succumb to lung cancer filled me with fear. Cigarettes had a powerful hold over me for 23 years. I tried several times to quit smoking‚ but was unsuccessful until the morning I woke up feeling like an elephant was standing on my chest and decided it was time to quit for good. Knowing that one of my friends who died quit smoking six years before me made me realize how much I am still at risk.

After experiencing the loss of two people so dear to me‚ I felt a strong need to take part in the fight against lung cancer. I wanted to use what I learned to help people‚ like myself‚ who may be in danger of developing this disease and prevent others from putting themselves at risk by starting smoking. Last year I began to share my story with the public as the spokesperson for a national lung cancer awareness campaign‚ It’s Time to Focus on Lung Cancer. The campaign is dedicated to helping patients‚ caregivers‚ and people at risk of developing lung cancer learn the symptoms of the disease‚ seek an early diagnosis‚ and find the support they need.

In the past year‚ I have visited schools to talk to kids about the dangers of smoking. I want to educate them that there are enough health risks out there as it is; they don’t need to add to them by adopting a voluntary bad habit. Since friends are often the most influential people in any young child’s life‚ I tell them to look at their best friend and imagine that they can’t talk to him or her any more‚ period. No more laughing at sleepovers or talking about boys. No more playgrounds or video games. This is what happened to me because of cigarettes and it can happen to them‚ too.

My new role as an advocate and spokesperson does not require acting. It only requires a strong desire to help fight the disease that claimed the lives of my two best friends‚ so other people do not have to endure the battle they did. Lending my voice to a cancer awareness campaign has helped me cope with the feelings of loss and fear that come with being a cancer caregiver‚ and has allowed me to turn a heartbreaking personal experience into one that may potentially save lives.

For more information about lung cancer‚ visit www.lungcancer.org or call the Lung Cancer Toll-Free Information Line at 877-646-LUNG (5864) to talk to certified cancer social workers.

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