By Theresa Waldron

Social worker Melissa Wright learned while taking care of her mother during a bout with stage III ovarian cancer in 1991 that caregivers also need to take care of themselves.

“Caring for someone with cancer can be very difficult‚” says Wright‚ whose mother‚ JoAnn Johnson‚ is now in remission. “I know many times I wished it had been me who had [cancer] so I didn’t have to see her suffer.”

Caregivers must take time away from their loved one to “recharge” themselves‚ says Terri Ades‚ RN‚ AOCN‚ director of quality-of-life and health promotions strategy for the American Cancer Society in Atlanta‚ Georgia.

“It is important that caregivers have time for themselves away from the sick person because if they are healthy‚ they can provide the care that?s needed‚” she says. “I think caregivers feel they have to do whatever is needed for their loved one‚ but it’s easy to get emotionally overwhelmed. If they’re not taking care of themselves‚ they’re not getting a mental and emotional break from the sick person‚ and they’re not going to do their best.”

So agrees Joyce Bichler‚ MSW‚ vice president and program resource director for Gilda’s Club Worldwide. The organization is available in 14 U.S. and Canadian cities to provide social and emotional support to people with cancer and their family and friends. Gilda’s Club was started in honor of Gilda Radner‚ the comedienne from the television show Saturday Night Live who died of ovarian cancer in 1989. Bichler says the organization is a “total cancer support community” that provides support groups‚ networking groups‚ lectures‚ workshops‚ and social events free of charge to members.

“Nobody likes to ask for help‚”says Bichler. “When a family member comes in‚ they are initially focused on the needs of the person with cancer. But we ask them what they need‚ because we find that if people take care of themselves‚ they’re best equipped to be there for the person they love who has cancer. As part of that refueling and getting support‚ their energies can be there for each other.”

Family members find support from meeting with other people who have a loved one with cancer‚ which helps decrease feelings of isolation and allows members to share their own experiences and collective wisdom with one another.
“We feel that social and emotional support are just as important as medical care when cancer is in the family‚” Bichler notes. “The Gilda’s Club members are the experts, not the professionals, in their cancer experience. So they come and share with each other‚ and through that‚ they really do learn to live life‚ even when they’re living with cancer. Nobody else can really understand what they're going through.”

Wright‚ who is program director for Gilda’s Club Quad Cities in Davenport‚ Iowa‚ says sometimes caregivers feel guilty if they take time for themselves. When Wright’s mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer‚ Wright was 21 years old‚ in college‚ and working. Wright says she felt guilty continuing her regular activities‚ but knew it was important to get away periodically. Wright says she listened to music or visited with friends during the two years her mother underwent treatment.

“I also encourage people who come to Gilda’s Club to try things like meditation or yoga or art‚” she says. “Relaxation types of activities allow a person some time for themselves for rejuvenation and enable them to better cope when caring for the person with cancer.”

Giving up some of the responsibility for care is important‚ whether it's to family members‚ friends‚ religious institutions‚ home healthcare‚ or‚ in the end‚ hospice care‚ says Ades.

“Hospice care is a good resource for the person with cancer who is near the end of life‚” says Ades. “They have a team of health professionals who can meet the medical needs of the person with end-stage cancer.”

Wright advises family members to take it one step at a time.

“In the end‚ I think we cope with cancer by taking it day by day and doing the best we can with the resources we have‚” she says.